I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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