First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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