sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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