Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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