i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
