But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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