Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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