there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
