dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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