If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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