Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize