I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
