Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
