Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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