She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
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Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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