You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize