I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
