My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
