I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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