I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
