The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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