Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
