mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
