please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
