So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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