omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
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Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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