Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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