She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
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He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize