I will die if light touches me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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