i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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