I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
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I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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