My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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