Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow