I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it