You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.