That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??