from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.