Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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