i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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