If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
