it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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