Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
