the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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