She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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