hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
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I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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