I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize