I hate all girls vehemently.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
