after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize