Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
