It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
