What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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