Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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