She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize