We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human