Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
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Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!