I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize